How to fix the parks...

10 May 2001, Arthur Frommer's website ran a discussion thread about the myriad problems facing the National Park Service.  It was the usual drivel about global warming and protecting the environment, with some particularly annoying conservative bashing thrown in. I bet they weren't expecting a response like this one...

How to fix the parks?

First Step: Of the 112 National Parks, Monuments, Historical Sites, Battlefields, etc. I've visited, 110 were overstaffed. (Hovenweep and William Howard Taft were the exceptions, in case you were wondering). Cutting out most of this dead wood might go a long way to fixing the problem; I think it's the attitude of some on the political left that's out of step with the population (I'm quoting Rusty here , and changing it a bit) that prevents the FIRING of worthless bureaucrats in the Federal Government.

Second Step: Close many of the loop roads, parking lots, and high maintenance visitor's centers. (See Abbey, Edward) Eliminate any future million-dollar self-composting outhouses and replace them with the good old moon-in-the-door variety. Let people walk more, and let all of them them pay a fee for the interpretive brochure, even the seniors. If you ever have a chance to visit the bazillion-dollar visitor's center at Agate Fossil Beds, you'll see what I mean. What a ghastly waste of my tax dollars and entry fee.

Third Step: Lower the entry fees to a buck a head, but charge everybody. Even the seniors. Especially the seniors. If they can afford to get to the place, they can shell out a dollar. In 1991 I followed some geezer into Walnut Canyon in a brand new Lincoln. His khakis must've cost more than my entire wardrobe, and his wife had so much jewelry on she could barely hold her arms up. He walked up to the cashier, pointed to the senior sign, and said, "guess we're free!"

Fourth Step: Quintuple the fees to foreign buses. At least. Nothing ruins a visit to Yellowstone more than being run off the boardwalks by a swarm of rude foreigners. Charge foreigners $20 a head to get in. Maybe give Canadians and Mexicans a NAFTA discount. But all our friends in the UN can pay a premium.

Fifth Step: Downgrade the pork barrel sites. Ever heard of Platt National Park? Was a National Park, shouldn't have been, so it was downgraded. Same with Sully's Hill. We've got a lot of units that just aren't worth the NPS status. Give Wind Cave to the State of South Dakota, and let them fold it into Custer. Just an example. Another one would be Harper's Ferry. Usually tourist villages like that are run by ex-hippies who sell candles. They'd probably do a better job.

Finally, use some more of my tax dollars. It's ok with me; just take the money AWAY from some of the more absurd programs within Interior. (You could probably take some funding from the war on poverty we've been waging for 40 years, because it seems to me that poverty is winning.)

God bless America.